It’s Not Always Enough To Just Be Positive To Make Good Things Happen

Most of us have heard of positive psychology,  and we can even already use this positive approach and be positive in our daily lives to achieve happiness.

Since the psychologist Martin Seligman wrote his book  Learned Optimism  in 1990, this approach has gained a remarkable presence and relevance in the editorial market and in the world of personal growth.

The most interesting contribution that positive psychology offered in its time was to  shift the focus from our pathological problems to our inner strengths. From there, concepts such as resilience  (resilience), motivation, appreciation and emotional intelligence become incredibly famous and useful.

That being said, all this which at one time no doubt had its influence and relevance, now seems to be losing just that.

There is a simple reason for this: In today’s times of crisis, with changes and ups and downs both socially and economically,  theories in positivism seem to lack the brilliance they had in the past.

In fact, it is so much so that many psychologists and sociologists now believe that it is time to end the “superiority” of positivism in the field of personal growth.

However, it is not about replacing it, but about reforming it and  understanding that sometimes it is not enough to just think positively for things to improve.

Being positive does not always guarantee successful results

For a long time, positive thinking was the  strategy to teach us to be happy, to understand that aspects such as forgiveness, goodness and altruism help us fight negative emotions such as anger, rage, sadness …

Many of these ideas come from the well-known principle of “changing a mind to change an emotion”. When we change the frequency of our emotions, we can improve our reality.

So, while this approach may seem inspiring, the  reality is much more complex. Life has many subtle nuances, and some of them we will all have come across at least once:

• When I go to an interview, I think positively. I trust and give the best of myself. Positive thoughts do not guarantee a job.

• I have always given the best of myself to my partner. I always trusted our life project, I was positive, brave, considerate and communicative. But none of this was enough to make the relationship work.
• I have a good education, good grades and I have always been at the top of my class… But none of this has helped me get a good job.

Therefore, something we must understand is that maintaining positivity is and will always be important. However, it is necessary that we learn to deal with the more unfavorable and complex aspects of our daily lives.

Happiness always has a small “trap” that you must accept

Good things do not always happen to those who deserve it the most. Moreover, friends and relatives characterized by absolute kindness and nobility have sometimes encountered the most devastating situations.

Why is this happening? 

It is worth pointing out that the law of attraction does not always yield results. It is not enough to want, to think, and sometimes even to act in a certain way to make what we want happen.

And in addition to being positive, there is something we must learn to develop: a strong, flexible, courageous and resilient attitude.

Books like  “The Happiness Trap”  by Russ Harris explain this in a simple and illustrative way:

• The society we live in “sells” us the idea that we must always be positive. That we must surround ourselves with positive emotions, thoughts and happiness.

• If we allow ourselves to be led by this mindset, we will become so obsessed with the idea of ​​being happy that  we do not know how to face or deal with frustration, discomfort, and unpleasant feelings.

We can not overlook this last point. Especially when we think about the complexity of our current reality. Competitive, changeable and demanding conditions come with life. We have to deal with adversity almost every day.

I accept and I understand my negative emotions so that I can strengthen the positive ones

I know it will be gray days when nothing goes right. Days when you feel rejected. When you make a mistake. Days you lose something. You lose everything. Where you or someone else says “goodbye”.

There will be days when  we are forced to be strong, not just be “positive”.

• Knowing and understanding this is important for our personal growth.
• Anyone who is obsessed with happiness, but who does not tolerate loss, disappointment, or sadness, is unlikely to experience growth, prosperity, and the pursuit of inner peace and well-being.

It is not about cultivating pessimism, but rather about being  able to tolerate the negative fluctuations in life to face them. We must make the best of those moments of destruction and overcome them.

We must fight for happiness in a more mature, realistic and objective way. To conclude: it is sometimes not enough to see the positive for beautiful things to come into our lives. Sometimes what comes into our lives will not be good. But still we have to accept it and deal with it so that what we really want can happen later.